The human need and desire for connection can be observed throughout history. Healthy, positive relationships provide a sense of belonging, making us feel loved, valued, and cared for. It should be no surprise that our relationships and the connection we have with others impacts our overall well-being. Humans are social beings that thrive on relationships, these connections are a fundamental part of our survival and happiness.
But what happens when those connections are the result of trauma bonds? First, one must understand what a trauma bond is, why they happen, and what these relationships look like. In this article, we will take a close look at trauma bonds and answer these questions. We will examine how these types of bonds are commonly associated with substance abuse and provide greater understanding of why. Looking at the importance of healing, you will learn how time in rehab is the perfect opportunity to break free from these toxic relationships and focus on personal growth. By providing tips that help make healing possible, we hope you can avoid the dangers of staying in a toxic relationship after rehab is complete.
Understanding Trauma Bonds
What Is a Trauma Bond?
Trauma bonds are sometimes referred to as codependent or toxic relationships. Both of these are true with trauma bonds. They are unhealthy and intense, emotional attachments that develop into a traumatic or abusive relationship. This unhealthy attachment that develops between a person and someone who is abusive, toxic, or manipulative creates a bond through the cycle of abuse.
A key characteristic of trauma bonds is the cycle of abuse where there is a pattern of abuse and reconciliation. The victim also becomes emotionally dependent on their abuser, with a fear of leaving.
Trauma bonds differ in many ways from healthy attachments and relationships. The foundations could not be more different with healthy relationships founded on respect, trust, and emotional safety, trauma bonds are built with fear, manipulation, and cycles of abuse. Healthy relationships offer good communication, emotional stability, consistency, love, and freedom. Meanwhile, trauma bonds sow emotional instability, chaos, guilt, and dependence.
Why Do Trauma Bonds Happen?
A complex combination of factors can cause a person to create an unhealthy attachment to an abusive or toxic person. Psychological, emotional, and biological factors can all play a part in why they occur.
The cycle of abuse that is repeated in a trauma bond can create confusion and emotional dependency. After experiencing alternating periods of kindness and then moments of cruelty, the brain begins to associate the moments of kindness with hope, reinforcing the bond despite the pain.
In an unhealthy relationship built on a trauma bond, the victim feels as though they cannot function without the abuser, creating psychological and emotional dependency.
What Do Trauma Bonded Relationships Look Like?
Common signs that a person is in a trauma bonded relationship are justifying continued abuse, feeling stuck and unable to leave, feeling dependent on the abuser, isolation from family and friends, and fear of angering or displeasing the other person.
Red flags that someone may be abusing you are a cycle of repeated abuse and apology, love bombing, gaslighting, giving the silent treatment, blame shifting, and manipulating you through guilt and shame.
The Connection Between Trauma Bonds and Substance Abuse
How Are Trauma Bonds and Addiction Connected?
It is often seen in relationships with trauma bonds that one, or both people, struggle with alcohol or drug abuse.
A person experiencing the abusive cycle of a trauma bond may find themselves using drugs or alcohol as a coping mechanism for the emotional and mental stress this type of relationship causes. These would be considered co-occurring problems.
Sometimes a person is unable to leave a toxic relationship because of shared substance use and a dependence on both.
Substance abuse and trauma bonds share the same type of triggers, such as isolation, low self-esteem, and feelings of hopelessness.
Why People in Toxic Relationships May Struggle With Sobriety
Oddly enough, a trauma bond, like drugs and alcohol, can become an addiction. The highs and lows of the relationship, along with the unpredictability, can make it hard to let go.
An abusive partner may encourage the addiction to maintain control over the victim. Sometimes, it’s the shared use of drugs and alcohol that may be the thing that bonds the relationship.
If the relationship is the driving force behind the feelings driving the addiction, a person will continue to turn to it as a way to cope with their emotions, pain, and distress.
The Importance of Healing: Using Rehab to Break Free
Why Rehab?
Rehab is a way to remove yourself from a bad relationship and get clean too. This is the perfect opportunity to detox from both substances and a toxic relationship since they are interconnected, making it difficult to break free without professional help. Attending a drug rehab center in Salt Lake City will provide the following four opportunities for healing:
1. In the structured and supportive environment of rehab, individuals have the opportunity for self-discovery and growth as they heal from trauma bonds and other past traumas. Through this process, they develop self-awareness, which strengthens their emotional resilience and aids in lasting sobriety and personal growth.
2. Learning how to set healthy boundaries in rehab gives individuals the tools they need to avoid getting into another trauma bond situation and/or relapse.
3. Rehab is a place where self-worth can be discovered (or rediscovered) and self-reliance is developed. Self-reliance proves to a person that they are capable of caring for themselves and proves they do not need to be codependent on anyone when they are able to rely on themselves.
4. Rehab provides many opportunities to build a strong social network and support system. Connecting with others who understand what another has gone through, positive motivators, and sober friends can all aid in healing and long-term sobriety.
Dangers of Staying in a Trauma Bond After Rehab
Thankfully we have these treatment programs that help people break free from their addictions, even their relationship addictions. However, if after recovery a person is unable to remove themselves from an abusive relationship, many consequences can soon follow. Below are listed some of the dangers of not breaking free from the trauma bond after rehab:
- An increased risk of relapse
- More damage to self-esteem
- Undermine the progress made in rehab
- Prevent the development of healthy relationships
- Mental health deterioration
- Isolation
5 Tips for Healing and Staying Free After Rehab
1. Continue engaging in therapy after you leave residential rehab. This might mean participating in an outpatient program or attending therapy of some sort.
2. Surround yourself with a healthy support system. This can be made up of family, friends, or new acquaintances met in rehab. Being with others who care and respect you will encourage you to live the best and healthiest life possible.
3. Avoid toxic relationships, cutting people completely out of your life is necessary.
4. Keep practicing the self-care and the coping strategies learned in rehab.
5. Avoid blaming yourself and practice self-acceptance. No one is perfect and this process is not easy but freedom from addiction, of any sort, is possible.
Breaking free from a trauma bond is not easy, but it is important for lasting sobriety and personal growth. Healing takes time, patience, and a commitment to yourself. By seeking professional help, setting boundaries, and surrounding yourself with a healthy support system, you can create a life free from trauma bonds and substance dependency. Recovery is not only about the path to sobriety, but it is about reclaiming your self-worth, building emotional resilience, and creating relationships that lift you up rather than diminish you. By continuing the healing process after rehab, you give yourself the best chance at a healthier and happier future.
